It all begins with a simple ‘Wow!’ after you finish introducing yourself to students you are meeting for the first time. During the introduction you carefully leave out aspects like; where you live, whether you are single or married, whether you drink, smoke or not, etc. You stay with the usual stuff connected to teaching like; your education, hobbies, former schools, etc. because you want to stay safe. Once they begin to say ‘wow,’ ‘really?’ ‘interesting’ … you can be sure the questions are coming. ‘Do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend?’ ‘Where do you live?’ ‘Do you live alone?’ ’Do you go to the night club?’ … Only the naughtiest ones in Middle / High Schools ask these questions, but you are bound to deal with these questions at university level. Undergraduates as well as post graduates research on these questions even more than they do on their class assignments.
“I am 40. I am married. I live with my wife and kids…” That’s a disappointment.
“I am 25. I am single. I live alone…” That’s a potential…
Well decades ago most teachers were people in their 30s and 40s. Teachers were like second-place parents to students so the problem of students falling in love with teachers was not very common. Times have changed. Education is faster nowadays. People are getting First Degrees at 20 and getting teaching jobs in High Schools and Universities where they have to face students who are almost their agemates. This has made the problem more serious because it’s hard to find a justification to stop the teenagers from dating the 20 – 25year-old teachers.
The 18year-old sitting in front of the 20year-old teacher is hardly following the lesson. The teenager is more interested in the teacher’s look in comparison to the look of an ideal partner he or she has or dreams to have. The young teacher on the other hand – a likely newbie too in dating, is speculating and contemplating on what could be wrong in having a date with one of those teenagers staring up at him or her with such admiration and envy. That’s the setting. Then the cultural dimension comes in.
In countries with a mad rush to study foreign languages like English, the foreign languages come with their cultures and overshadow local cultures. Students who can speak a foreign language are envied by other students as well as the society in general. In the same light, students who get ‘closer’ to foreign teachers enjoy a feeling of superiority over other students. Talking and walking home with a teacher after school is a total excitement. So there it goes. From talking and walking home after school to exchanging telephone numbers and emails. From phone calls and online chats to dinners and visits at home. We are into a student – teacher love relationship!
Now how justifiable is this?
Parents condemn it. School authorities condemn it. It distracts students. It’s morally wrong. It’s unprofessional. These points are justified. Remember the old saying: “Do not screw the crew.”
Students think it’s a pride; it’s language practice; it’s cultural exchange; it’s self-realization; it’s secured dating and enriching. These points are justified too. Isn’t it said that “students should learn from the teacher in and out of the classroom”?
Teachers think it’s only normal to date these youth mates they meet almost everyday. Remember the old African saying: “A goat eats around the pole to which it is tied.” They think the closer they are to the students the more the students open up to them. Yeah the theory goes, if students love the teacher they will love the subject.
Right now you are trying to guess which opinion I hold, aren’t you? Well I belong to the category referred to as ‘a disappointment’ at the beginning of this article. However, not all who belong to this category have been able to stay safe. In the same way, not all who belong to the category referred to as ‘potentials…’ in this article have or plan to ‘eat around the poles to which they are tied.’
If you are an extremists on this topic I am sure the word pedophile has come to mind more than once as you read this article, but it’s actually very far from it. It’s another problem and a real problem. It’s in almost every sector of education. So far, the old view of the problem – condemning just one side of it, has prevailed. It is probably time to address the issue in a different way.
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