It all begins with a simple ‘Wow!’ after you finish introducing yourself to students you are meeting for the first time. During the introduction you carefully leave out aspects like; where you live, whether you are single or married, whether you drink, smoke or not, etc. You stay with the usual stuff connected to teaching like; your education, hobbies, former schools, etc. because you want to stay safe. Once they begin to say ‘wow,’ ‘really?’ ‘interesting’ … you can be sure the questions are coming. ‘Do you have a girlfriend / boyfriend?’ ‘Where do you live?’ ‘Do you live alone?’ ’Do you go to the night club?’ … Only the naughtiest ones in Middle / High Schools ask these questions, but you are bound to deal with these questions at university level. Undergraduates as well as post graduates research on these questions even more than they do on their class assignments.
“I am 40. I am married. I live with my wife and kids…” That’s a disappointment.
“I am 25. I am single. I live alone…” That’s a potential…
Well decades ago most teachers were people in their 30s and 40s. Teachers were like second-place parents to students so the problem of students falling in love with teachers was not very common. Times have changed. Education is faster nowadays. People are getting First Degrees at 20 and getting teaching jobs in High Schools and Universities where they have to face students who are almost their agemates. This has made the problem more serious because it’s hard to find a justification to stop the teenagers from dating the 20 – 25year-old teachers.
The 18year-old sitting in front of the 20year-old teacher is hardly following the lesson. The teenager is more interested in the teacher’s look in comparison to the look of an ideal partner he or she has or dreams to have. The young teacher on the other hand – a likely newbie too in dating, is speculating and contemplating on what could be wrong in having a date with one of those teenagers staring up at him or her with such admiration and envy. That’s the setting. Then the cultural dimension comes in.
In countries with a mad rush to study foreign languages like English, the foreign languages come with their cultures and overshadow local cultures. Students who can speak a foreign language are envied by other students as well as the society in general. In the same light, students who get ‘closer’ to foreign teachers enjoy a feeling of superiority over other students. Talking and walking home with a teacher after school is a total excitement. So there it goes. From talking and walking home after school to exchanging telephone numbers and emails. From phone calls and online chats to dinners and visits at home. We are into a student – teacher love relationship!
Now how justifiable is this?
Parents condemn it. School authorities condemn it. It distracts students. It’s morally wrong. It’s unprofessional. These points are justified. Remember the old saying: “Do not screw the crew.”
Students think it’s a pride; it’s language practice; it’s cultural exchange; it’s self-realization; it’s secured dating and enriching. These points are justified too. Isn’t it said that “students should learn from the teacher in and out of the classroom”?
Teachers think it’s only normal to date these youth mates they meet almost everyday. Remember the old African saying: “A goat eats around the pole to which it is tied.” They think the closer they are to the students the more the students open up to them. Yeah the theory goes, if students love the teacher they will love the subject.
Right now you are trying to guess which opinion I hold, aren’t you? Well I belong to the category referred to as ‘a disappointment’ at the beginning of this article. However, not all who belong to this category have been able to stay safe. In the same way, not all who belong to the category referred to as ‘potentials…’ in this article have or plan to ‘eat around the poles to which they are tied.’
If you are an extremists on this topic I am sure the word pedophile has come to mind more than once as you read this article, but it’s actually very far from it. It’s another problem and a real problem. It’s in almost every sector of education. So far, the old view of the problem – condemning just one side of it, has prevailed. It is probably time to address the issue in a different way.
Please, you are welcome to leave a comment about this.
Hurting comments and gestures.
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008It is very common in daily life to come across comments and gestures people make that hurt you or others. Some are made deliberately while others are made out of ignorance. Whether the comments and gestures are intentional or not, they hurt. They seriously affect other people’s pride, comfort, personality and ambitions. The paragraphs below recollect a number of gestures and comments that have hurt this writer as well as experiences from his friends. By writing about them in this blog I hope I can change the mentalities of those who make these comments and gestures. I also hope these paragraphs can make victims feel better. I am not going to pretend to make a list of all comments and gestures that hurt here. You are free to add some that have been left out here.
1. My best student; Fat beautiful Alice
In one of the ESL classes I teach one of my best students in English is Alice. She is a little chubby. Every time she stands to say something in class, her classmates whistle. Some oink (sound made by a pig). All in an attempt to make her understand that she is not normal, that she is fat = ugly. Sometimes Alice cries. When I think about what this little innocent girl goes through everyday I feel like to curse the society in which we live.
Yes, I do not even blame the classmates who whistle and oink at her, I blame the society, you and I reading this post perhaps, the companies we work for, the TV channels we watch, the movies we watch, the magazines we read, the actors, actresses and all other super stars we adore; who have defined beauty, success, fame, etc in these few words: Slim and tall. They have defined ugliness, failure, etc in these few words: Fat and short. How unfair!
Alice is fat, not slim. Alice is beautiful not ugly. Alice is a person, not a pig. Alice is the best ESL student I ever had. She inspired me to write this article. Now ask yourself how many times you have said things like: Fat ugly xxxxx instead of fat xxxxx or ugly xxxxx. Beautiful tall slim xxxxx instead of beautiful xxxxx, tall xxxxx or slim xxxxx. In other words, associating the adjective ‘fat’ with negative things is hurting.
We are teachers – moulders of the society. We can correct this wrong mentality and save thousands of other people like Alice from this social prejudice.
2. Commenting on the way people look
It’s an everyday comment we make. You look good today. You look beautiful in that dress. You look handsome in that suit. You look young with that haircut. etc.
Now these may look very normal comments to you. You say them to others and others say them to you almost everyday. You have just not yet met a sensitive person like my colleague in the office who instead of ‘Thank you.’ would ask you: “Do you mean I look bad on other days?” “So I usually look ugly in my other dresses!” etc. My colleague is sensitive but outspoken. Others are not. When you compliment them they may say thank you but keep the other side of their thoughts. This is one of the examples I mentioned earlier as hurting without knowing.
You can avoid this by leaving out the words ‘today’ ‘this morning’ ‘in that dress’ etc. It may help.
Here is a tip to make you think more about this: I had a boss who used to come in to the office and say to me. “mmm your desk looks very tidy today!” What message do you think he was trying to pass on to me? Watch out when people compliment you.
3. Staring at others
You see someone on the street walking towards you. The person looks different from you (height, size, skin color, age, outfit, etc.) So you start staring at the person from head to toe. You elbow the person next to you to join you in the staring exercise. Sometimes the staring is accompanied by comments in a language you are sure the person doesn’t understand. In some extreme cases you take out your camera and give a shot.
This happens on the street, on the bus, in restaurants, on the train, etc. It makes the people you stare at extremely uncomfortable even if you mean no harm.
Out of curiousity we sometimes do this. Here is a suggestion: Take a casual look at the person or better still, greet the person and have a short conversation with him / her. That will make the person feel better while you satisfy your curiousity.
Now over to you reading this article. Share with everyone else a comment or gesture that hurts you. Write your comment in the comments section.
Happy New Year 2009
Tags: Alice, beautiful, comments, fat, hurting, impolite, prejudice, slim, staring, ugly
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